The eight stages of finishing a good book:
Stage One, Denial:
Me: Okay, okay, wheres the missing chapter? Um. . . it can’t end there, its a mistake.
Me: NO,NO, NO! It can’t be it just can’t! It can’t end there!
Stage two, Grief:
Me: [curls up into a ball, clutching book in arms] theres, theres a mistake
Me: [cries for the beautiful book] Oh shoot, I’m going to get the book damaged with my tears
Mom: [at dinner] whats wrong with you?
Me: Book problems! (launches into talk about book problems)
Stage Three, Research:
Me:[online] Okay lets see here, any reviews up? No not yet, I’ll come back later. . .
Five minutes later:
Me: What?! Still no ones reviewed this book yet! What the heck!
Me: Thats fine, thats fine [stocks authors website for info on possible future books]
Stage four, Grief again:
Me: [finds out book is going to be a series] YES! This is the best!
Me:[reading the fine print] Wait. . .NEXT YEAR!? The next book comes out next year?! [cries again]
Stage Five, ranting:
Me:[on phone with a friend] can you believe it? Next year! And not early next year but like October next year! UGH!
Me:[Talking to two year old brother, who we’ll call X] hey X do you want to hear about Lucia’s book problems?
X: No Lucia I play cars (or) No Lucia I watch TV
Me: I don’t care, I’ll tell you anyway [ goes through the whole story again]
Stage Six, Reading Slump:
Me: What now? What do I read? How am I supposed to read anything and love it as much as I loved this book? What was life like before I read this book? Was there even such a time?
Stage seven,visiting the library:
Me:[goes to library] I don’t think this will help. How will I know which book is good enough for me to read it?
Me:[sees book with a shiny cover] hey whats that book about?
Stage eight, acceptance:
Me: Hey this book isn’t actually so bad. I really like this, this might even be better then the last book I read.
Me:[finishes the new book] WHAT?! Thats it?!
And so it starts again.